on apartment leases, job leads and leaps of faith

There's this strange pattern in my life involving apartment leases and leaps of faith.

But to back up a bit, you already know I went on a spontaneous, #bravekatie adventure to northern California for a few days. Why northern California? The idea first got in my head a couple months back after I randomly saw a job listing in the area. I decided to apply and...I got an interview. And then...I got two more interviews. And then.........they didn't hire me. Hrmmm.

But somewhere during that situation, I looked into the idea of living in the Bay Area. Palo Alto, to be exact -- about 30min south of San Francisco. I didn't get that job, but a northern California seed had already been planted. It kind of burrowed down inside me and took root and started putting crazy thoughts in my head. I started applying to more jobs in that area, not entirely sure yet that I even wanted to leave Arizona.

And then we get to the part of the story that you know more about, which is the part where my job went away and so did my condo and so did many of the details and structure of my Arizona life. And so I did the only thing I could think to do: I got on a plane to northern California. I spent money I barely had, knowing that not much more is on its way, moved the last of my stuff into the backseat of my car after several frenzied days of packing and discarding and donating, and I got on that plane. I got on that hooverdam airplane.

Yesterday my aunt told me she admires how brave I am. I told her that I cried on the airplane. I love airports, but I walked through my familiar Sky Harbor like a small lost child, clutching my beloved gray pillow for dear life, feeling like I was leaving my entire life behind. Even though I'd be coming back in a few days, it wouldn't be to the home and job and life that I'd known for so long. I was excited, but I was also terrified. Mostly I just felt very small and very unsure of myself.

When people asked why I was going, I said I had a job interview.

...which wasn't entirely true. What I had was a job lead. Up until a few hours before I got on the plane, all I had was a hopeful job lead, a sent email and a prayer that the person behind said job lead would meet me for coffee on Friday since I "happened" to be in town. Luckily, that coffee date did pan out. And then another interview a few days later. And a lot of socializing and exploring and ocean-finding adventures in the meantime.

Let me tell you about this area of California: it has trees, charming houses, a cool breeze, hippie-dressing people and did-I-mention-the-trees. They line the streets like you wouldn't believe. I couldn't stop talking about the trees, meaning my Arizona was showing all over the place. It was not hard to fall in love with this new town. And somewhere during all of that, I came across a potential apartment and roommate in a really great neighborhood.

Now let me tell you about me and apartment leases.

I have this funny pattern in my life of signing apartment leases before I know all the other concrete details about my life. Once, I wanted to move to a new city but I felt unsure. My best friend already lived there, and she called me one day and said, "I found an apartment. Are you in?" And so I was in, without ever seeing the place or having fully made the decision to go. I faxed a signature for that lease, and just like that, I had made the decision to go.

Another time, I was interning at two places and fresh out of college and unsure what might pan out to a long-term job. A friend called me and asked if I wanted to go to a church activity in a nearby city. So I went. And then she wanted to look around at apartments. So we looked. Two days later, we had keys in our hands.

Yet another time, a potentially ideal apartment situation fell through 3 days before I was set to move in. A girl I barely knew called me and said, "I found a condo. Do you want to be roommates?" And so I signed a lease. I do not have words for the impact that girl, the other girls we lived with, and that last-minute decision have had on my life. That all deserves its own post.

So what I'm saying is, there is this pattern in my life. And I do believe that God works in patterns. Today I thought, "I found this great apartment and new roommate in northern California, but I don't have a job offer yet. What do I do?" And then I remembered that I know exactly what to do. I know this pattern. I know how this part goes. This is a leap of faith my feet already know. 

And so, today I will sign a lease.

I am supposed to hear back from my job interview/lead/coffee meeting in the next couple days. I thought about waiting to post all these other details until I had some news, be it good or bad, so I could at least put a fitting conclusion on this little novel. But then I decided that, no, I want to post it now. I want to post it mid-leap. I want to post it and say that I have a lease in one hand and no job offer in the other. And yet, I sign.

Because here's a truth I know: I've made the best decisions in my life by letting my feet leave the ground when I can't see anything but sky and a long drop below me. And God has always caught me.