Bridesmaid Round 12: The Hunt for the Red Dress

So, Bridesmaid Round 12 is right around the corner. 

{Yes, twelve. It's obscene, I know. Bring it on, 27 Dresses.}

My darlingest friend and college roomie {aka the lovely bride} instructed me to choose an outfit involving the colors deep red, gray or white. And I thought, "I probably already have those colors somewhere in my closet." But then I thought, "This is the 12th time I've been a bridesmaid. I am buying myself a hooverdam new dress because I can and that's why."

And thus I found myself at the mall this evening after work. And thus the following texts were sent to this bestie, because she puts up with my shenanigans... 

5:31pm Red dress hunting commences. First outfit makes me feel like a hooker. Pop a piece of Fruit Stripe gum in my mouth and journey on.

5:32pm Fruit Stripe gum loses flavor.

5:34pm Find cat shoes in my size. Manage to let them go.

5:37pm Remember that "dress" is a liberal term these days and often includes items of clothing I would classify as "shirts" and "Barbie sized."

5:39pm Catch myself wandering aimlessly in the accessories section.

5:39 and a half pm Pause for brief inner pep talk.

5:42pm Enter new store. Read one $90 price tag. Leave new store.

5:43pm Encounter this mannequin.

5:46pm Consider looking at model homes.

5:47pm Experience olfactory trauma at the hands of the pretzel store, whose gluten-filled goodness I cannot safely partake.

5:52pm Suddenly wish the wedding was yellow.

6:16pm Concede that red dresses are not in season. Leave mall. Find food. Amen.

6:34pm Eat my feelings.

p.s. Kelsey's best response to my incessant texting: "Is the hooker outfit a negative thing?"