to my baby sister as she goes to college

remember this girl and how she's turning into me and stuff?

well, she goes off to college-land this weekend!

eep!

and so, i wrote her something
which, when i find time, i will actually print out and give to her in some kind of aesthetically appealing manner
[she's so excited right now]

and because i love my readers, i'm sharing its contents

i know, it is lengthy

but maybe you can pretend my wisdom is worth the long read

---------------------------------------

dearest baby sister,

this weekend, you're going away to college

i wish there was a way to tell you everything i wish i had known when i was a freshman

but maybe some of it you're supposed to mess up

until you learn, on your own, how not to be a freshman anymore

[but then again, i've never been one for refraining when i have something i want to say

now have i?]

let's begin with roommates

because they are the first thing you'll encounter when you arrive

and you'll awkwardly say hello in the kitchen

and awkwardly choose whose cupboard is whose

and awkwardly perch on the stiff couches

making awkward small talk

but before you know it

you will spend soooo much time on those couches

until 3am, talking and talking and talking

sleep will become a distant memory

[i have good reason to believe i didn't sleep before 2am my entire sophomore year. i think i shall prematurely age because of it....]

but this chapter is not about sleep

there will be plenty of time for that in grown-up life

so don't bother with it now

unless you think you might have an insomnia-induced panic attack

in which case

please, sister of mine, sleep

i won't devote an entire paragraph to the best strategies for napping on campus

[though i will recommend lying underneath corner tables in the library]

but back to roommates
and people in general

let me give you my biggest piece of advice:

BE. KIND.

and all that those two words entail

please, please choose now to always be kind

if you can make me just one promise that you won't break

i'd ask you not to ever gossip

please. don't. gossip.

and don't speak unkindly about anyone

even if it's funny, or makes you fit in with the crowd

simply choose not to do it.

who, really, does that benefit?

not you

certainly not them

so when the backbiting starts

or sides start to get taken

please be the one who stands up for everyone

even if they are different or weird or rude or don't shower enough

because that person probably needs you the most

and you might always regret it if you tear them down

[note: don't be the one who doesn't shower enough. that's all.]

and when it comes to chores, etc

don't expect everything to be fair

just always do a little more than you think you should

because if you refuse to mop the floor

because you did the dishes yesterday

i promise, it'll never add up

and somebody will always be disgruntled

so just do what you can

to make others' lives easier

and then...

do a little more

oh,

and don't leave people's DVDs out where they can get scratched

because you know how i feel about that

[now is not the appropriate time to point out that i can't work the dvd player without your help. i assume your roommates will be more tech savvy than i am.]

[umm...can i still call you when i can't work the dvd player? kthanks]

and one more thing about roommates

just remember

that the right time to be there for someone

is right when they need you

even if it's 2am

or 6am

and you're really tired and have a big test in the morning

trust me

your roommate is more important

than the difference between an A and an A-

and one more thing about roommates,

you'll be in such close proximity

with people who grew up in such different ways

and you never know all the reasons

why people believe the way they do

so please

let them have their opinions

stand by your own, but let them have theirs

smile, hug, and let it go

turns out it's ok to agree to disagree

and sometimes, you have to let people have their way

even if it means they hang up an ugly picture in the living room

if it means a lot to them,

just let them hang it up

because if it's important to them

make it important to you

 [and maybe try naming it hogarth for endearment purposes]

and by all means,

communicate

you can stress for weeks about something you need to get off your chest

but once you sit down

and carefully chat about it

you'll usually wonder why you didn't say it sooner

and also,

forgive

as quickly as you can

even if it means not getting your way

or not getting that last little jab in

just sacrifice your need to be right

no matter how frustratingly, annoyingly wrong you think the other person is

accept their apology

or forgive their lack of apology

and let it go

let's move on to academics

first of all, don't ever think a life plan is set in stone

take it from someone who changed her major like 6 times

turns out i ended up with a very well-rounded education

so, do what you need to do

 even if it sets you back a semester, don't get frustrated

our mama once told me

"you're never wasting time if you're learning something."

and i can honestly say i learned the entire time

[yes, even when i spent a semester as a Home Ec major]

and when you settle on your final major

don't let it be because you think you'll make a ton of money

or because other people tell you it's what you should do

do it because you love it

and not like hobby kind of love

rather, like the you-can't-get-enough-of-your-textbooks kind of love

i did that, in the end

and have never once regretted it

even if the career part has been a little tricky

things will pan out

and about that whole career thing

make sure you have at least some kind of plan in mind

because not everyone graduates married with a baby on the way

and it'll be a bit of a shock

if you have that diploma in hand

and zero goals to go with it

[trust me]

and when it comes to grades

please don't kill yourself for a 4.0

by all means, do your best

work your little hindparts off and give it your all

but if sometimes your best only means a B

and every once in awhile, a (gasp!) lowly C

then accept it

and move on

especially if the difference between a 4.0 and a 3.8

means those moments with your roommates

and those spontaneous roadtrips

and the memories

that you'll remember a lot longer

than you remember another test you got a 98 on

speaking of memories,

you might get homesick

i can't even tell you how many times

i called home crying during my freshman year

and sophomore, junior, and senior years

[wait, i still do that sometimes, don't i?]

because frankly, sometimes it's hard

especially when the weather bites

and there's nobody to talk to

and you don't want to make your own food anymore

or you sprained your ankle and had to ride across campus in a shopping cart

[wait, who does that?]

and you are stressed out and just want to cry

call mom. call dad.

let it all out

i promise they won't tell you you're stupid

even if its the 10th time you've changed your major

and even if you failed a chemistry test

or lit a microwave on fire

or dropped a pizza in the dishwasher

it'll all be okay

you can call me, too

i'm pretty good at listening to people cry

[and i happen to know a lot about microwave fires...]

i suppose i should talk about boys

those fellas

them menfolk

because sooner or later, they'll happen to you

actually

they'll probably explode into your life all at once

because even if high school was a drought...

when it rains it pours, baby sister

first, let me say

that you need to be straightforward

it's okay to not like someone back

but you must be honest with the fellas

and openly communicate

and be kind to their little hearts

and, don't date the pretty ones if they're no good to you

and don't talk yourself into dating a nice one just because he's nice to you

if there's no sparks there, then you both deserve someone more suited for you

don't be in any rush

but make sure it's important to you

and make sure you're open to whatever happens

even if it's not what you planned

and as for life plans

make them!

write lists and lists of goals

put your dreams on sticky notes

and plaster them on your walls, notebooks and bathroom mirror

and then when life takes a twist

be willing to change those goals

alter them

or let them go, if you must

don't hold on too tight to something if it's not right

learn to tell yourself no

but also learn to tell yourself yes

because you deserve to dream big

never let a GPA

or a fancy certificate

or someone else's opinion

define your personal success

i'm sure there is more i could say

i could probably write an entire book

[um, maybe i already have]

but just a couple last pieces of advice:

eat well

take care of your bod

keep a journal, so you can learn from yourself

figure out your personal standards and stick to them like glue

don't be afraid to be good

don't live beneath yourself just to fit in

but don't judge anyone who does

just love them

and they'll figure it out, even if it's the hard way

expect big things out of yourself

but don't beat yourself up if you're not perfect

and don't be afraid to take risks every now and again
and leaps of faith

if you ask yourself, "why not?"

and your only answer is that you're afraid

then tell yourself to stop thinking

and jump in with both feet

and of course,

pray

never. stop. doing. that.

and please,

always come home at Christmas

so we can take stupid pictures in front of the tree

heart, katilda

[i am so totally creepy in this picture]