textersations, round 2

so this amazing phenomenon occurred after this certain blog post.

suddenly, everyone started texting me more.
and everyone got a little bit funnier.

and i quickly realized i couldn't wait another year to post some highlights or it would get out of control.

so here it is ... round 2
(feel free to inundate my inbox in an attempt to make round 3...)

Caraline, March 10

[dating advice]

"Take him to a spring training game. I fall in love with you every time we go."

Matthisious, March 12

"Finally the banana gets the rep it deserves."

Randy Day, March 15

"If you were a hippie and smoked then i totally just saw you at QT."

Katie Lee, March 16

"The end of the school day is always a very scary time for me. You can hear the stampede. A boy screaming like an indian almost ran me over today."

Androo, March 18

"You know how shady people can be that volunteer at crap."

Katie Lee, March 23

"Just saw a tobacco outlet... What does that mean? Last season's tobacco nobody wants?"

Rachel Blakey, March 28

[discussing if a BBQ is a good place to find dates]

"If my future man is a cheeseburger then he sure will be there!"

Matthisious, April 5

[a couple days after i told him about a company-wide email in which a staff member asked if anyone had seen a shipment of "widows" get delivered ... he meant windows.]

"So i stayed home today waiting on my delivery of women whose husbands have passed, but it never came. I wonder if it got sent to the office?"

Daniel Fuller, April 6

"I hate boys."

Anonymous, April 8

[only because i promised this individual i wouldn't name him/her.]

"Sometimes cleaning is easier if you take your pants off. I'm just saying."

Larsy, April 15

[after i told her to try pronouncing something difficult repeatedly.]

"i accidentally said Beiber."

Baby Sister, April 15

[same context]

"i sound like the dumb bear from Narnia."

Anonymous 2, April 17

[identity undisclosed in the off-chance her employer ever sees this.]

"i feel like a sell-out, but to keep  my job, i gotta saddle up and buttkiss. this is grown-up world."

Kels, April 19

[after i griped at her when my teeth hurt and then immediately apologized.]

"I've been there. I completely forgive you. Just don't do what i did when i got braces anger...bit off someone's hand."

James Nickerson, April 20

"You should know that in a cameo dream appearance, you had two artificial legs."

Androo, April 21

[after telling him to get on LinkedIn already because i made Chantal join and she got contacted for a job almost immediately.]

"And look at her, kidney-robbed in saint pedro, mexi-town."

K Sparks, April 23

"Two quotes from a very odd man outside hungry howie's: "i'm half amish" and "i'm tired of you saying i'm fat because i don't subscribe to your healthy regimen."

Kels, April 25

[she's not married, and there's no explainable context.]

"I should write my husband a letter."

Bonnie Jean, April 25

"I don't joke about Hanson."

Mandiola, April 27

"Why would a chip flavor be called harvest cheddar? I would like to see that field."

Tyson J. Oliver, April 29

[after i complimented his use of the word "romantic" in his description of his attempts to woo a girl.]

"it seems more mature than 'i tried desperately to convince her i was more than just a good kisser.'"

Tyson J. Oliver, April 30

"That's why I like me too."

Kels, May 1

[i told her my tummy hurt and she tried to blame it on gluten.]

"that's the gelatin."

(2 seconds later)

"ahahah that's not the right word is it...."

Daniel Fuller, May 2

[it made sense at the time...]

"Company policy only gives me time off to play putt-putt inside my office ... pants or no pants."

and the grand finale, this picture of my nephew that arrived in my inbox one day:

until next time, happy texting!

p.s.

honorable mention to miss mariah winslow, who i know sent me a rather funny text about her workplace and the effects of certain medications on her clients ... which text is somehow nowhere to be found in my phone. i blame technology.