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Once Upon a Scottsdale

Sultry beginnings to some very intriguing novels?

No…Just a couple excerpts from the past week of my life. Enjoy.

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Their attention was diverted from their plates of hash browns by a raspy voice from the next booth over. “Hey kids,” the bronze 60-year-old cougar hollered, and proceeded to flex her impressive biceps through the tight sleeve of her leather jacket. “Been weight-lifting for 31 years.” It was then that they noticed the crowd of massive bodybuilders who had been slowly filling up the empty tables at their local iHop, and they knew something momentous was about to begin.

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She knew it would be another fruitless Valentine’s Day when it began with seeing a dog get hit by a car and a pre-teen boy mooning traffic from the side of the road.

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“How did I get here?” She wondered, almost aloud, as she stood on the court in her green jersey and watched the opposing team come barreling toward her. “I don’t even play basketball.”

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She blamed the candid boy at the pulpit for making her laugh too loudly in church that day, as the congregation whispered, “Did he just say bromance?”

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“Of course,” she thought, as she tripped up the concrete steps with her arms full of basketball gear. Her life flashed before her eyes as her face and elbows hurtled directly toward the unforgiving stone surface.

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And…..why not an ending to wrap things up:

She turned the key and opened the mailbox with anticipation in her heart, daring to hope that this would be the day. The Best Buy package awaiting her eager grasp was almost surreal, as she sprinted toward her apartment with all five seasons of Saved by the Bell gripped firmly in her hands.

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Tune in next time for another edition of “Eloise in the Plaza.”

I mean, “Katie in the Loop 202.”

A national passion.

Not that murder is funny, but...

Frank Sinatra 'Karaoke Rage' in Philippines

Seriously? "Men have died attempting to hit the final note"?

Amazing still, it seems.

One decade ago, I turned 13.

Today, I am 23.

I was finally allowed to wear makeup. I proceeded to wear bright blue eye shadow every single day.

I’ve moved on to pink.

I had a pajama party with my friends. I wore boxers with huge yellow smiley-faces on them.

I don’t own a single thing with a smiley face, a peace sign, or a yin-yang sign on it.

I was in 7^th grade.

I have a college degree and a full-time job.

My best friend had bright red hair and we spent every Saturday having crazy adventures.

I have too many best friends to count. And we still have crazy adventures.

I wore as many butterfly clips in my hair as I could fit every day.

My hair is long and somewhat unruly. My favorite headband has a polka-dot bow on it.

I had a mouth full of crooked teeth.

Braces have worked wonders on my self-esteem.

I had never really sung before, but I joined choir solely because all my friends were doing it.

Choir defined my high school years. I ended up majoring in vocal performance for 2 semesters of college, and singing is still an integral part of my life.

I had a crush the size of Jupiter on the blonde boy in my math class.

I’ve had enough crushes to fill the solar system. And I no longer take math classes.

My favorite outfit involved a plaid skort and knee socks. Yes, a skort.

I think skorts and sporks belong in the same category. Symbols of everything awkward and unsure. I want nothing to do with either.

I rebelled by buying cherry coke and occasionally trying out a swear word or two.

Hoover Dam jokes are as risqué as I get, and Dr. Pepper is my new (rare) indulgence.

I gossiped and had mean-girl clique moments, just like everyone else.

I grew up. I love everyone.

I was first-chair violin in the 7^th-grade orchestra.

I stopped playing at age 15, but still haven’t given up on that dream just yet.

I was on the school volleyball team. I hated my coach because she knew I sucked.

I no longer say “sucked.” But I still hate things I’m not good at the first time I try them.

I listened to N’Sync, Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, and the Now & Then soundtrack.

Still hold a dear place in my heart, and in my iPod. I collect music obsessively. (See my updated playlist. Return any time if you need a good mix.)

I wanted to write books, fall in love, do something memorable, and probably save the world.

Some things never change.

“Don’t give away the end.” –jimmy eat world

Share the Pants.

Apologies that my blog has become a link-a-palooza lately, but this was too much of a treasure to pass up…

The worst 15 movie taglines ever.

Seriously so excellent.